Singing lessons are amazing. Everything is so easy now, I improved a lot but I want to improve more. Its the best decision I have ever done. I hope that I’ll be able to take more lessons in the future. First noone knew about, me taking singing lessons, especially my dad. I was afraid to tell him, because he used to hate my passion to music. Im honest, currently Im giving out my whole money for singing lessons. I didn’t buy anything for myself the last few months. Its still hard but I dont think anything could make me that much happy like singing lessons. I can’t avoid the big smile on my face, after leaving the building.
Im giggling and laughing and just thinking, wah “im happy, too bad that it was just an hour”.

A week ago my dad went with me to the singing lessons. My teacher was able to calm him a little down, but she can’t understand why he’s getting upset about my passion. She also doesn’t understand his worries. Hes not listening and saying the same things over and over again, eventhough if I tell him that I will definitely continue going to school. Im not this kind of person who gives up when something is going to be hard, but he doesn’t want to understand.

So many people are blaming me for my passion. I even lost so many friends because of this. I hate to say, that people were jealous and I also hate it when they get jealous. But its the truth. Some couldn’t accept me getting attention because of my skills, and some wanted to have the same ability.
Some were openminded and told me that they wish to have the same ability. To say the truth, once I envied the people who told me all these things. Even when I can’t avoid such feelings I would’ve never thought about betraying or hurting anyone on purpose. Its like im being cursed because of the passion to music/singing, but no matter how much bad luck I(‘ll) get, nothing except the death will be able to stop me.

I feel relived after sending up the first audition material. Although the material is acutally not that good, it took me alot of time to prepare them.

Anyone wanted to take the needed pictures of me that’s why I had to do them on my own. It wasn’t that easy.  It’s just an online audition that’s why I wasn’t that afraid to send them up. For the next one’s im going to make it more professional.

I bet, they might get shocked when they see the audition pictures. I uploaded one with make up and two without make up, I get shocked by myself when I see them, it’s a huge difference.

I’m still practicing and practicing. I noticed that I became better but even if people are wondering about my fast improving skills, it seems a little slow for myself, I want to improve my singing skills faster. I keep practicing for hours, sometimes over eight hours. My mom doesn’t stop telling me “You’ll die when you continue like this” because Im not eating on these days, where I practice for hours, sometimes I even forget. She doesn’t know whats going on outside.

The training system of the academys are hard, its normal that people skip their meals or work over the night. I think its worth it when you get updated/teached mostly like at these academys. Finally its something what I always wanted, I might faster when i dont get into a company.
The time passes by and everything gets more worse, the heartache, wishfulness and patience. I even think that this must be harder than training. I cant put it into words, how thankfull and happy I would be getting into a company.

Everyday im waking up and going to sleep with the same thoughts and prayer. Even now Im thinking “God give me your blessing, help me just this time”.
Other people are hardly looking not to be single or to have many friends. After all these years, of being betrayed by normal friends, even by people I helped…
There was a short time where I actually wanted to have more friends, but after realizing that It always ended up the same way, I used to care more about music. Music has no negative aspects for me, It always gave me more strength and happiness than any human o(^_)o.