Next week I have 3 times vocal lessons one after another. I’m amazingly happy about this but I’m also excited because we are going to record the stuff for the audition.

I appreciate that god gave me such a passion. Otherwise how would I be able to survive.

As an early Child I’ve had really hard times but somehow I didn’t noticed, everything was so depressing. Everyone saw that I was going crazy, I cried so much because of so many misunderstandings.
I was a looner, had no friends, people used to fool with me like toy. People where I thought that I was close to them didn’t took me seriously. Even my parents didn’t noticed how serious the situation was. I had to wait for so long to get out of this mess. Being nice and innocent gave me so much pain.
After those years, I changed the school and at the same time my personality too. I already noticed that I was being too nice to people, I was angry to myself for being so foolish. I tried to be strong, my personality became to one of a boy. I tried to protect myself and my only friends. I didn’t hide it, everyone was able to see my anger. People started to leave me alone, teachers started to like me because of my protective personality. And now? I’m tired, I’m tired of protecting people and protecting myself. I don’t care about others. I don’t care what they do or who they are.

You are wondering why I’m talking about this. Its because all the time, I had something in my heart, that helped me to be strong and happy. The thing in my heart, no one can take it out. The only thing that fills my heart is music. For me music is not a addiction nor a hobby, it’s in my blood, its my life, “music breathes with me” ~ GDragon. I seriously don’t think that I’m able to live without music.

I hope that God has plans for me. Pray, Pray for me and help me to get picked in this audition. I would give more than my best to make them satisfied, I would train so hard at the same time I would be happiest girl in this World.

Somehow I feel totally sick these days. I can’t sleep over night and am sleepy over the day. The worst is that I  don’t have any strength to sing even if I want to. My throat feels strange, it is totally uncomfortable to sing. Being sleepy and uncomfortable is the best combination of not being able to sing. This fact makes me crazy, because I’m going to die. I didn’t sing that much the last few days. It could be because of the weather, it’s already something like 30 degrees or so on. I’m really not just depressed, It feels like the death is with me all the time. I’m drinking as much as I can, but It’s doesn’t help really much. It’s just annoying because I feel like an balloon.

The singing lessons today were really worse. The train was canceled and I was late over 15 minutes. I ran as fast as I could, even though my feet hurted because I forgot to wear socks, so my shoes were killing me. I don’t now if my singing teacher really can help me to organize the audition material, since I’m taking lessons only once a week.
I even dont know exactly which songs I should use yet. I’m sure that I will sing a song of Gummy, because it is easy for me the song with emotion, and It’s also a song where I get really excited while singing.
About the second song : I’m sure that I’m going to choose an English song. I dont know, I’m always changing my mind, because I get bored so easily.
It’s actually enough when we just sing two songs, but maybe I’m going to make a collabration of my own songs. Oh, today I recoded myself while dancing, and this is actually the first time I was doing this. I’m surprised, I think that I’m actually not that bad, that why Im going to make a choreography and send in a danc video :D.